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The ugly truth

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster.

I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle.

I am an addict.
I am well educated.
I live in the suburbs.
I have a child.
I have serious mental health issues.

I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself.


If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy.

The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one.

How did this…
Recent posts
Hello my friends now from the other side. The sober side that is... This is going to be long. And in parts so I apologize now but I think it's important to get the whole story. I had wls in July 2009. My highest weight was 398 lbs and I remember praying that I wouldn't go over 400... That or maybe my scale didn't. Either way I could not see a 4. Or regardless of a moderately successful career, higher education, and steady boyfriend (now husband) I would have rather killed myself. Looking back at that statement I should have known then that troubles lie ahead. I weighed 180 lbs when I graduated from high school in 2000. I was well liked. Fairly smart. I was actually the fricken homecoming queen and not out of sympathy BC I was the fat girl that got picked on as a kid, but truly bc I was popular and well liked. To this day the hometown still likes me... But truth be told I never liked me. I went away to college and ate. A lot. I was introduced to Wegmans Pittsford. The …

Much a blog about nothing…

So I haven’t written in a while.  Losing Libby hasn’t lost in about a year now.  Haven’t really gained either, but regardless, life definitely happened.  I recently watched the beautiful Eggy on the Ricki Lake Show.  She embodies what most of us feel post gastric bypass.  That there is still this obese person even if your not as obese as you once were.  It was a good wake up call to me, proving that my job of losing weight is not over, nor will it ever be probably. I’m getting older and I can feel it.  I feel old sometimes.  Kind of like, who is this 75 year old woman kind of old.  I need to move my ass more.  So the next phase of Losing Libby is going to be about losing my bad attitude about exercise.  God help me.

Weight not watching

So I joined weight watchers last week, and I am not so happy to report that I must be the only person on the planet that actually gained weight the first week!!   No shit I actually gained two lbs following the Points + system!The woman who weighed me in was wonderfully supportive.  She said sometimes the body goes into a bit of shock when we change our habits.  Hilarious.  I have not given up the fight though people!  Tomorrow we will walk!  We will track!  We will persevere! Or at least we shall try. In other news, I am beginning to feel a bit more human like.  Emotionally, I am feeling much much better since I went back to see my previous therapist.  I am going to constantly be a work in progress, but I truly must start believing that I am not a failure.  Even though I obviously failed at weight watchers my first week

Food or Foe?

I am so full I may die.  No seriously.  I ate so much, and I knew it as I was SHOVELING it into my mouth.  My problem with food lies in portion control, or lack there of.  I know I know, but LIBBY you have NO GUTS?!?!  Didn’t they like, staple yer stomach?!  Didn’t you have that SURGERY AND TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT?! Ya.  I did.  No.  It was not easy.  No it still isn’t easy and it’s going to be three years in July…*le sigh*  It is still tough to know when to stop.  Food is a necessity, yet it is completely a gate way drug to happiness!  I love to cook.  I love to eat!  I love to entertain!  If only I could get paid to be Martha Stewart Jr. and like, do all this for others, and build a media empire! (A girl can dream). Food is going to be an ongoing battle.  We need it to survive.  The difference will be in realizing that just because it is sitting on my plate, doesn’t mean I have to eat it all.  Or just because on the Food Network, we add BUTTER to make it BETTER, I don’t have to do tha…

Weight

I weighed myself yesterday.  I weigh three lbs more than I did when I got pregnant.  NOT TOO SHABBY! So I’m about to post it for the world to see:258 lbs.  Man that was rough.  I think it takes some serious balls to post my actual weight, but ya know what, I HOPE it’ll make me more accountable.  Tuesday I am joining Weight Watchers.  I lost 140+ lbs with gastric bypass.  (You can do the math)  It still isn’t enough.  I would love to be down to 200lbs by Ian’s first birthday.  That would be about 11.6 lbs a month.  I believe with the accountability factor of going to weigh in every week, along with actually using the tool I was given back in 2009 (properly), I should be successful.  There is no reason or excuse to fail, other than myself.  This next chapter in the life of Libby is all about holding myself accountable.  For my weight, behavior, eating, actions, and much to my dismay, my emotions.  A lot of this “new” blog is going to be about finding out what the hell makes me tick.  I …

Highs, Lows, and coming to blows

I have not blogged since June, before my munchkin was born. I have been struggling. I have been happy, sad, and everything in between. I constantly feel in limbo, not only about motherhood, but just life in general.

I am going to be the first to admit that I definitely let my health and weight loss goals go to complete shit after I had this guy:



He is perfect. His mother, though, is not.

A few of my friends have starting blogging. Some about weight loss, mommy-hood, couponing, you name it. They all inspired me to start writing in this again. I was going to start a new blog, but then I thought ya know what, I'm still me. Deep down in this dark hole I have created, the old me is there. The person I once was. I hope you'll bear with me on this journey to find happiness and health again. I know it's there.

March 1, 2012
Weight: too fricken scary to even get on scale, maybe tomorrow.
Mood: Mediocre to Blah
Day: Typical - nothing bad or good to report