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Food or Foe?

I am so full I may die.  No seriously.  I ate so much, and I knew it as I was SHOVELING it into my mouth.  My problem with food lies in portion control, or lack there of.  I know I know, but LIBBY you have NO GUTS?!?!  Didn’t they like, staple yer stomach?!  Didn’t you have that SURGERY AND TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT?!

Ya.  I did.  No.  It was not easy.  No it still isn’t easy and it’s going to be three years in July…

*le sigh*  It is still tough to know when to stop.  Food is a necessity, yet it is completely a gate way drug to happiness!  I love to cook.  I love to eat!  I love to entertain!  If only I could get paid to be Martha Stewart Jr. and like, do all this for others, and build a media empire! (A girl can dream).

Food is going to be an ongoing battle.  We need it to survive.  The difference will be in realizing that just because it is sitting on my plate, doesn’t mean I have to eat it all.  Or just because on the Food Network, we add BUTTER to make it BETTER, I don’t have to do that in order to make things taste great. 

In other news, I am hoping to secure a piano very soon.  I hope that this will inspire me to practice some discipline, and serenade my child with my skillz (that are definitely out of practice). 

I think this will be a good habit to get back into.  Music.  My long lost soul mate.

Tomorrow is weigh in day.  Wish me luck….


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The ugly truth

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster.

I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle.

I am an addict.
I am well educated.
I live in the suburbs.
I have a child.
I have serious mental health issues.

I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself.

If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy.

The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one.

How did this…

the report is in

I had my six week check up yesterday, and everything looks good he said. The incision pain is best case, a small tear where the sewed me back up, the worst case, a hernia. He said it is too soon to tell, and chances are that it will just heal up on its own in about a month. I am down 32 lbs since surgery, for a grand total of 54 lbs. DA-UHM! I am feeling pretty good of course, just this occasional pain BLOWS.

In other news, I have to go back to work on Wednesday. Blargh! I am pretty much not looking forward to this, but alas, time to go back to working for the man. I wonder how much has changed? Should be entertaining no doubt.

My beautiful friend Jenn is getting married tomorrow, so I better straighten my 'fro out and get moving, cuz I am the official page turner for the pianist. Later kids ;)

Much a blog about nothing…

So I haven’t written in a while.  Losing Libby hasn’t lost in about a year now.  Haven’t really gained either, but regardless, life definitely happened.  I recently watched the beautiful Eggy on the Ricki Lake Show.  She embodies what most of us feel post gastric bypass.  That there is still this obese person even if your not as obese as you once were.  It was a good wake up call to me, proving that my job of losing weight is not over, nor will it ever be probably. I’m getting older and I can feel it.  I feel old sometimes.  Kind of like, who is this 75 year old woman kind of old.  I need to move my ass more.  So the next phase of Losing Libby is going to be about losing my bad attitude about exercise.  God help me.