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Good Day Sunshine

So another day is upon me, and I feel like I've done a 180 since yesterday. I feel so much better, want to actually eat, and just over all feel good. I went to the sleep medicine doctor this morning, and it was oh so thrilling. It kind of went down like this:

Me: "Hi Doc, I am having trouble sleeping."
Doc: "Do you wear your mask?"
Me: "Well kind of, but like I said, I am having a hard time falling asleep, so when I finally do fall asleep I don't always put it on"
Doc: "well you need to wear your mask"

Hey, DOC, are you LISTENING to me! See, seriously, if I could sleep like a normal person, don't you think I would throw that baby on every night, just to appease you? Why yes I would. So far I have had a protein shake with some PB, some tuna fish, and some black bean soup. Food is going okay, when I want to eat. So yah!

I got a compliment from one of my friends today about how the weight is just falling off of me. That was pretty nice to have someone notice. I haven't really weighed myself, mainly because my scale is jacked up. It gives me one weight, and then you get on again, and its different.

Anywho, I should get cleaning...


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The ugly truth

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I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle.

I am an addict.
I am well educated.
I live in the suburbs.
I have a child.
I have serious mental health issues.

I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself.

If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy.

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How did this…

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Hello my friends now from the other side. The sober side that is... This is going to be long. And in parts so I apologize now but I think it's important to get the whole story. I had wls in July 2009. My highest weight was 398 lbs and I remember praying that I wouldn't go over 400... That or maybe my scale didn't. Either way I could not see a 4. Or regardless of a moderately successful career, higher education, and steady boyfriend (now husband) I would have rather killed myself. Looking back at that statement I should have known then that troubles lie ahead. I weighed 180 lbs when I graduated from high school in 2000. I was well liked. Fairly smart. I was actually the fricken homecoming queen and not out of sympathy BC I was the fat girl that got picked on as a kid, but truly bc I was popular and well liked. To this day the hometown still likes me... But truth be told I never liked me. I went away to college and ate. A lot. I was introduced to Wegmans Pittsford. The …