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Survey Says!

So long time no blog! Dang I am busy! I started working full time again, and I am going to school part time. I am driving twice a week to Rochester (about an hour and a half from where I work) and then 3 hours of class, then an hour back home! Gahhhh. Very very very tired. Very very stressed!

While I was driving home Tuesday, after a particularly stressful day, I realized that I definitely turned to food to relieve stress. The good/bad part is that when you physically can not eat (because your stomach is the size of a walnut (or more), you can't resort back to those habits. You need to actually use some good coping skills. Shit.

I loved food. I still do love food. It's satisfying, it's comforting, and pleasurable. When you feel like crap, food can make you feel better. When you are sad, it can make it go away (for a bit), its a vicious cycle, and I can see how people can get a bit obsessive about food.

How did I deal with said stressful day? I resorted back to my old friend music. I used to blog a lot about music, and particular lyrics that stood out to me, etc...I haven't been too impressed by new music, nothing really deep or satisfying to me. Finally I stumbled upon the new Ingrid Michaelson album. I love it. It is passionate, deep, and satisfying to my soul. I highly recommend the song Are We There Yet? It really resonated with me.

And now...a tale from the scale. I am down a total of 24(!) inches since July 7. I am also down 67lbs (!) I am almost to the point where I may actually tell you people how much I weigh! I feel great, minus being all tired and moderately cranky!

Thanks for reading...more soon I hope :)


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The ugly truth

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I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle.

I am an addict.
I am well educated.
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I have a child.
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I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself.

If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy.

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Hello my friends now from the other side. The sober side that is... This is going to be long. And in parts so I apologize now but I think it's important to get the whole story. I had wls in July 2009. My highest weight was 398 lbs and I remember praying that I wouldn't go over 400... That or maybe my scale didn't. Either way I could not see a 4. Or regardless of a moderately successful career, higher education, and steady boyfriend (now husband) I would have rather killed myself. Looking back at that statement I should have known then that troubles lie ahead. I weighed 180 lbs when I graduated from high school in 2000. I was well liked. Fairly smart. I was actually the fricken homecoming queen and not out of sympathy BC I was the fat girl that got picked on as a kid, but truly bc I was popular and well liked. To this day the hometown still likes me... But truth be told I never liked me. I went away to college and ate. A lot. I was introduced to Wegmans Pittsford. The …