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Foggy focus

The hardest part of WLS is staying focused. 

Think of a little kid that gets the best toy EVER (LIKE OMG!), plays with said toy for about 5 minutes, then totally moves on to the next greatest thing. 

That is what my RNY has become sadly.  I haven’t been using it like I should, and to me, it shows.  To the viewing public (those who see me regularly), they see the changes.  I haven’t really lost a significant amount of weight in about 2-3 months and, truly, it is my own fault.

While I still don’t eat a lot (I think), I am not making the best choices due to life.  Let’s be real, life is what got me to the fat zone in the first place.  Stress eating and snacking are still my numero uno problems.  I snack a whole lot on baked chips, tortilla chips, crackers, pop chips, rice cakes…If it’s carby, I want it.  Why?  Well it’s easy to put in my mouth quickly, and they slide right on through.  I love them, I admit.  Guilty as charged.

I have been trying (with minimal success) to get back into the mindset of food as fuel.  I don’t need food to be happy, but to live and be healthy.  This is going to be one of those ongoing battles that I will have to face for the rest of my life I feel.  I am sure I am not alone in this either. 

So many of my WLS love food too, but what it all boils down to is choices.  Some have better control of this than others.  I happen to be in the middle I think.  I think of food a lot more than I did right after surgery.  I cook obviously, a lot more than I did right after surgery.  But I also seem to be going out to eat more than after surgery. 

I’ve been trying to avoid asking questions like should I be able to eat a whole half of a sandwich with *gasp* BREAD?  Should I be able to eat a whole slice of pizza?  Do you think I am really hungry even though I just drank a 20 oz protein shake?  Am I really hungry or is it in my head?

I don’t really know.  Everyone has a different opinion on it, but who’s right?  Each surgeon is different, each program is different.  So I guess it’s all relative huh? 

What I do know for sure (okay Oprah *insert eye roll*), is that in 13 days I am getting married, and like most people, that is the only thing I can think of.  I go to work, I do my job, I think about the wedding all day long.  I dream about the wedding.  It is ridiculous and truthfully, I can not wait until it is here so that I can resume my “normal” (ha) life.  Until then though, I am not going to beat myself up for going out to dinner.  I am not going to beat myself up about eating some popcorn at nine at night. 

I am however, going to do my best, however weak my best might be right now.

Comments

  1. Wow.....you totally have been reading my mind and looking into my life!!!
    I have not done this as long as you have!!
    I need to find my motivation!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had my surgery 3 days after you and I feel exactly the same way! Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete

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The ugly truth

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I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle.

I am an addict.
I am well educated.
I live in the suburbs.
I have a child.
I have serious mental health issues.

I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself.


If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy.

The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one.

How did this…

Much a blog about nothing…

So I haven’t written in a while.  Losing Libby hasn’t lost in about a year now.  Haven’t really gained either, but regardless, life definitely happened.  I recently watched the beautiful Eggy on the Ricki Lake Show.  She embodies what most of us feel post gastric bypass.  That there is still this obese person even if your not as obese as you once were.  It was a good wake up call to me, proving that my job of losing weight is not over, nor will it ever be probably. I’m getting older and I can feel it.  I feel old sometimes.  Kind of like, who is this 75 year old woman kind of old.  I need to move my ass more.  So the next phase of Losing Libby is going to be about losing my bad attitude about exercise.  God help me.

the report is in

I had my six week check up yesterday, and everything looks good he said. The incision pain is best case, a small tear where the sewed me back up, the worst case, a hernia. He said it is too soon to tell, and chances are that it will just heal up on its own in about a month. I am down 32 lbs since surgery, for a grand total of 54 lbs. DA-UHM! I am feeling pretty good of course, just this occasional pain BLOWS.

In other news, I have to go back to work on Wednesday. Blargh! I am pretty much not looking forward to this, but alas, time to go back to working for the man. I wonder how much has changed? Should be entertaining no doubt.

My beautiful friend Jenn is getting married tomorrow, so I better straighten my 'fro out and get moving, cuz I am the official page turner for the pianist. Later kids ;)