Foggy focus

The hardest part of WLS is staying focused. 

Think of a little kid that gets the best toy EVER (LIKE OMG!), plays with said toy for about 5 minutes, then totally moves on to the next greatest thing. 

That is what my RNY has become sadly.  I haven’t been using it like I should, and to me, it shows.  To the viewing public (those who see me regularly), they see the changes.  I haven’t really lost a significant amount of weight in about 2-3 months and, truly, it is my own fault.

While I still don’t eat a lot (I think), I am not making the best choices due to life.  Let’s be real, life is what got me to the fat zone in the first place.  Stress eating and snacking are still my numero uno problems.  I snack a whole lot on baked chips, tortilla chips, crackers, pop chips, rice cakes…If it’s carby, I want it.  Why?  Well it’s easy to put in my mouth quickly, and they slide right on through.  I love them, I admit.  Guilty as charged.

I have been trying (with minimal success) to get back into the mindset of food as fuel.  I don’t need food to be happy, but to live and be healthy.  This is going to be one of those ongoing battles that I will have to face for the rest of my life I feel.  I am sure I am not alone in this either. 

So many of my WLS love food too, but what it all boils down to is choices.  Some have better control of this than others.  I happen to be in the middle I think.  I think of food a lot more than I did right after surgery.  I cook obviously, a lot more than I did right after surgery.  But I also seem to be going out to eat more than after surgery. 

I’ve been trying to avoid asking questions like should I be able to eat a whole half of a sandwich with *gasp* BREAD?  Should I be able to eat a whole slice of pizza?  Do you think I am really hungry even though I just drank a 20 oz protein shake?  Am I really hungry or is it in my head?

I don’t really know.  Everyone has a different opinion on it, but who’s right?  Each surgeon is different, each program is different.  So I guess it’s all relative huh? 

What I do know for sure (okay Oprah *insert eye roll*), is that in 13 days I am getting married, and like most people, that is the only thing I can think of.  I go to work, I do my job, I think about the wedding all day long.  I dream about the wedding.  It is ridiculous and truthfully, I can not wait until it is here so that I can resume my “normal” (ha) life.  Until then though, I am not going to beat myself up for going out to dinner.  I am not going to beat myself up about eating some popcorn at nine at night. 

I am however, going to do my best, however weak my best might be right now.