Losing Libby

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster. I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle. I am an addict. I am well educated. I live in the suburbs. I have a child. I have serious mental health issues. I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself. If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy. The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one. How d...

Evening kids. I just returned from my bariatric center's seasonal clothing exchange. I must say, now that I am down a size (or two?), I am so happy they do this! Clothes are expensive, and when you can get them for free, well...its grand. I decided to stop at Wegman's to pick up the ingrediants for Pam's amazing protein hot chai mix. Let me tell you...it is delcioius. It is warm, kind of thick like hot chocolate, very little protein taste, and SPICY (how I like it). I highly recommend it to any chai drinkers that are missing the sugary counterpart. If you can believe this, I actually didn't put any of the splenda in it, and I like it. I would imagine this cuts a bit of its intense spicy-ness, but I don't miss the over sweetness of it. My weigh in at 12 weeks post op is down 68lbs. I am quite happy with this number of course, but would like to see the scale move a little more. I am sure that exercising would help this. I need to MAKE time for this import...

So four weeks and one day ago, my life changed forever. I am four weeks post op, and down 44 lbs. An average of 11 pounds a week. Not too shabby for the first month out. Here's to another 44 in month two. Month two is probably going to be harder than the first month. I have to dedicate myself to an exercise routine. It has got to become an important part of my life. I am really going to try to make it as important as food has/had become. It is the only way to keep up with this aggressive losing, and overall improvement of my health. This is such an exciting time in my life. I never would have been able to lose 44 lbs and keep it off, without this tool I have been given. Like I've said before, has it been the hardest thing I've ever done? Yes. But has it also been probably the most rewarding...Yes Yes Yes! Off to do some Wii Fit...if you walk by the back door here, I'm sure you'll get a good laugh!

The infamous dumping syndrome. Holy shit it was AWFUL. So basically I thought I would be cool and have some carb comfort ice cream. Ugh my stomach just started rumbling at the thought of it. I had about 3/4 of a half cup. Then I thought I'd throw some SF cool whip on it. Well it was a reciepe for DISASTER! I got so hot and sweaty, and then toilet time! Man did it suck...I still feel a little wierd this morning, but I am trying to have a protein shake (which I haven't been too fond of as of late). I am going to go back to basics today, protein shakes, soft soft soft mushy foods, and just kind of take it easy in terms of food. I am updaing my iPod, hoping to get motivated to go for a walk. I already put socks and a bra on so, there's half my battle! It is supposed to be 80+ and sunny here in WNY finally, so I need to take advantage of the sunshine! Yah! Special shout out to all my "followers", and thanks for reading!

Today turned out to be a beautiful day, and this weekend was perfect. Friday we went out to a delicious dinner. We went to a "seafood house", where I ordered the broiled seafood platter. Of course, it was huge, but I wanted to try a little of each part of it. It came with broiled haddock, scallops and shrimp. The sides were salt potatoes and coleslaw. My favorite part of it were the scallops and the haddock...they were so soft and tender. God it was good. The best part, was that I finally felt NORMAL again, that I could go out to dinner with my boyfriend, and eat! Grant it, not a lot, but it was perfect. I felt good...everything has been settling nicely in pouchy when it comes to food. After that we decided to head out to a coffee house to hear some music, and explore a bit. The music was so so, but I was happy to see they had an array of sugar free syrups. I ordered a nonfat sugar free chocolate raspberry latte. I did FAIL when I forgot to order decaf. Needless ...

Anywho - I'm back. Sorry for the lack of posts the past few days...I went to Dunkirk Tuesday and then Rochester Wednesday for a few hours, and man, was I tired. I have to give myself a little slack, as I just had surgery three weeks ago, and am still recovering. Walking around for more than 45 minutes is a little tiresome, but I am getting better I think. My body is definitely changing, while unfortunately, the number on the scale is not. I am at a bit of a stall, and was actually encouraged from my online buddies to up my calories. I was averaging about 500-600 calories, and yesterday I had about 850. I am hoping that my body will get out of starvation mode, and get back into losing mode. I am going to take a walk today also, as it is one of the few nice days apparently that WNY is having. Hooray! Next weekend we are traveling off to my future in-laws! I am excited and hope that "pouchy" behaves herself. I would like to go into NYC, and hope that my legs and ...