Losing Libby

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster. I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle. I am an addict. I am well educated. I live in the suburbs. I have a child. I have serious mental health issues. I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself. If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy. The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one. How d...

Hello my friends now from the other side. The sober side that is... This is going to be long. And in parts so I apologize now but I think it's important to get the whole story. I had wls in July 2009. My highest weight was 398 lbs and I remember praying that I wouldn't go over 400... That or maybe my scale didn't. Either way I could not see a 4. Or regardless of a moderately successful career, higher education, and steady boyfriend (now husband) I would have rather killed myself. Looking back at that statement I should have known then that troubles lie ahead. I weighed 180 lbs when I graduated from high school in 2000. I was well liked. Fairly smart. I was actually the fricken homecoming queen and not out of sympathy BC I was the fat girl that got picked on as a kid, but truly bc I was popular and well liked. To this day the hometown still likes me... But truth be told I never liked me. I went away to college and ate. A lot. I was introduced to Wegmans Pittsford. The m...

I have not blogged since June, before my munchkin was born. I have been struggling. I have been happy, sad, and everything in between. I constantly feel in limbo, not only about motherhood, but just life in general. I am going to be the first to admit that I definitely let my health and weight loss goals go to complete shit after I had this guy: He is perfect. His mother, though, is not. A few of my friends have starting blogging. Some about weight loss, mommy-hood, couponing, you name it. They all inspired me to start writing in this again. I was going to start a new blog, but then I thought ya know what, I'm still me. Deep down in this dark hole I have created, the old me is there. The person I once was. I hope you'll bear with me on this journey to find happiness and health again. I know it's there. March 1, 2012 Weight: too fricken scary to even get on scale, maybe tomorrow. Mood: Mediocre to Blah Day: Typical - nothing bad or good to report

So I live in Buffalo, NY. Home of the chicken wing. Yes I said it, chicken wings. About a week ago, I was at my parents house hanging out, and we ordered pizza and chicken wings for my boyfriend and them... and then...the worst happened: I cried. I friggin cried over food people, and I feel like I may do it again, in front of my future in-laws! I find it completely amazing and ridiculous how wrapped up I get with food. Tell me, veterans, does it get easier? Getting over food? It isn't getting easier. I am having a damn hard time with food. The best, or worst, is that so far, I have been able to tolerate all of the food I've tried, beans, ricotta, cheese, etc. I even "cheated" and had a couple saltine crackers! The nerve! I am almost three weeks post op now and I'm down about 45lbs. The success obviously outweighs (har har!) the food, but it's still fricken hard. Seriously, whoever said WLS was the "easy way out", is full of...well you kn...

It never ceases to amaze me in the two weeks into this thing, how one day you can feel like a million bucks, and the next, craptacular. I know, I know, you're all saying, Libby, you had major surgery 2 weeks ago today, you're still healing! Blah blah I know. I still don't want to feel like that though! Yesterday I kept thinking I was ready to go back to work, but today all I want to do is crawl back into bed, and definitely not not eat. I don't even want to think about food today, or water. Usually by this time I've had 24 oz. of water and a protein shake. I went grocery shopping this morning to get some things to make my dear boyfriend a nice birthday dinner, and I literally wanted to die at the store. Oh well enough complaining. I suppose this is part of the RNY territory...I have read a lot of posts on Obesityhelp.com about one day your pouch being snarky, one day perfect. Guess today is the snarky day. I have up until today been tolerating all foods I...