Losing Libby

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster. I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle. I am an addict. I am well educated. I live in the suburbs. I have a child. I have serious mental health issues. I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself. If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy. The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one. How d...

I have not blogged since June, before my munchkin was born. I have been struggling. I have been happy, sad, and everything in between. I constantly feel in limbo, not only about motherhood, but just life in general. I am going to be the first to admit that I definitely let my health and weight loss goals go to complete shit after I had this guy: He is perfect. His mother, though, is not. A few of my friends have starting blogging. Some about weight loss, mommy-hood, couponing, you name it. They all inspired me to start writing in this again. I was going to start a new blog, but then I thought ya know what, I'm still me. Deep down in this dark hole I have created, the old me is there. The person I once was. I hope you'll bear with me on this journey to find happiness and health again. I know it's there. March 1, 2012 Weight: too fricken scary to even get on scale, maybe tomorrow. Mood: Mediocre to Blah Day: Typical - nothing bad or good to report

I had my six week check up yesterday, and everything looks good he said. The incision pain is best case, a small tear where the sewed me back up, the worst case, a hernia. He said it is too soon to tell, and chances are that it will just heal up on its own in about a month. I am down 32 lbs since surgery, for a grand total of 54 lbs. DA-UHM! I am feeling pretty good of course, just this occasional pain BLOWS. In other news, I have to go back to work on Wednesday. Blargh! I am pretty much not looking forward to this, but alas, time to go back to working for the man. I wonder how much has changed? Should be entertaining no doubt. My beautiful friend Jenn is getting married tomorrow, so I better straighten my 'fro out and get moving, cuz I am the official page turner for the pianist. Later kids ;)

So four weeks and one day ago, my life changed forever. I am four weeks post op, and down 44 lbs. An average of 11 pounds a week. Not too shabby for the first month out. Here's to another 44 in month two. Month two is probably going to be harder than the first month. I have to dedicate myself to an exercise routine. It has got to become an important part of my life. I am really going to try to make it as important as food has/had become. It is the only way to keep up with this aggressive losing, and overall improvement of my health. This is such an exciting time in my life. I never would have been able to lose 44 lbs and keep it off, without this tool I have been given. Like I've said before, has it been the hardest thing I've ever done? Yes. But has it also been probably the most rewarding...Yes Yes Yes! Off to do some Wii Fit...if you walk by the back door here, I'm sure you'll get a good laugh!