Losing Libby

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster. I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle. I am an addict. I am well educated. I live in the suburbs. I have a child. I have serious mental health issues. I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself. If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy. The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one. How d...

Hello my friends now from the other side. The sober side that is... This is going to be long. And in parts so I apologize now but I think it's important to get the whole story. I had wls in July 2009. My highest weight was 398 lbs and I remember praying that I wouldn't go over 400... That or maybe my scale didn't. Either way I could not see a 4. Or regardless of a moderately successful career, higher education, and steady boyfriend (now husband) I would have rather killed myself. Looking back at that statement I should have known then that troubles lie ahead. I weighed 180 lbs when I graduated from high school in 2000. I was well liked. Fairly smart. I was actually the fricken homecoming queen and not out of sympathy BC I was the fat girl that got picked on as a kid, but truly bc I was popular and well liked. To this day the hometown still likes me... But truth be told I never liked me. I went away to college and ate. A lot. I was introduced to Wegmans Pittsford. The m...

April Fools. Har har har...Hi friends. Today was almost 80 degrees out in Buffalo, NY (that I am not fooling about!) It made me want to be running around outside, generally just enjoying the sunshine and vitamin d that comes along with it. It is such a wonderful feeling, very hard to describe, what spring does to me. Last year at this time, I was getting close to a surgery date. I had my psych eval down, and was just waiting. It was one of the hardest parts, the waiting. Today I can't imagine not being 110 lbs lighter like I am today. Everyday I get a compliment from someone, and I tell you, it truly never gets old. I just hope that next year at this time I can say I am 200 lbs lighter than I was in July 2009. That is a big goal I think, but I do believe it is attainable. I am contemplating what to do with my life. Seems like when you go to school, spend lots of money on fancy degrees, all you get is just that: lots of debt and a fancy degree. What is lacking is the p...

So four weeks and one day ago, my life changed forever. I am four weeks post op, and down 44 lbs. An average of 11 pounds a week. Not too shabby for the first month out. Here's to another 44 in month two. Month two is probably going to be harder than the first month. I have to dedicate myself to an exercise routine. It has got to become an important part of my life. I am really going to try to make it as important as food has/had become. It is the only way to keep up with this aggressive losing, and overall improvement of my health. This is such an exciting time in my life. I never would have been able to lose 44 lbs and keep it off, without this tool I have been given. Like I've said before, has it been the hardest thing I've ever done? Yes. But has it also been probably the most rewarding...Yes Yes Yes! Off to do some Wii Fit...if you walk by the back door here, I'm sure you'll get a good laugh!

Today turned out to be a beautiful day, and this weekend was perfect. Friday we went out to a delicious dinner. We went to a "seafood house", where I ordered the broiled seafood platter. Of course, it was huge, but I wanted to try a little of each part of it. It came with broiled haddock, scallops and shrimp. The sides were salt potatoes and coleslaw. My favorite part of it were the scallops and the haddock...they were so soft and tender. God it was good. The best part, was that I finally felt NORMAL again, that I could go out to dinner with my boyfriend, and eat! Grant it, not a lot, but it was perfect. I felt good...everything has been settling nicely in pouchy when it comes to food. After that we decided to head out to a coffee house to hear some music, and explore a bit. The music was so so, but I was happy to see they had an array of sugar free syrups. I ordered a nonfat sugar free chocolate raspberry latte. I did FAIL when I forgot to order decaf. Needless ...

Sweet Jesus How is a girl supposed to start a walking routine when it keeps fricken raining! I knew yesterday was a fluke. Yesterday I ate over 800 calories (HOLY!). That is the highest amount I have hit since surgery, and frankly, I ate too much. I had some black bean soup for dinner, and definitely had more than I should have. I didn't get sick, thank god, but I definitely felt so stuffed. It just goes to show the importance of measuring out your food. Note to self: Measure. Today is cleaning day. It isn't tooo bad around here, so it should be fine. I'll probably post again later when I get sick of cleaning. I want to weigh myself so bad, but I know I should do this every day....fighting the urgeeeeeeeeeee. All's well here though!

It never ceases to amaze me in the two weeks into this thing, how one day you can feel like a million bucks, and the next, craptacular. I know, I know, you're all saying, Libby, you had major surgery 2 weeks ago today, you're still healing! Blah blah I know. I still don't want to feel like that though! Yesterday I kept thinking I was ready to go back to work, but today all I want to do is crawl back into bed, and definitely not not eat. I don't even want to think about food today, or water. Usually by this time I've had 24 oz. of water and a protein shake. I went grocery shopping this morning to get some things to make my dear boyfriend a nice birthday dinner, and I literally wanted to die at the store. Oh well enough complaining. I suppose this is part of the RNY territory...I have read a lot of posts on Obesityhelp.com about one day your pouch being snarky, one day perfect. Guess today is the snarky day. I have up until today been tolerating all foods I...

And so it begins, my new adventures in blogging. This blog will serve to tell the story of my weight loss surgery adventure. Everyone calls it a journey, but frankly so far, its been an adventure. I will probably post daily. It will include pictures, and it will probably include me crying every once in a while too. It's about my life, and all that goes with my new adventure into the unknown. Anywho - Happy Reading!