Losing Libby

The truth is...I'm in recovery. The other truth is emotionally, I'm a disaster. I haven't written in here because the truth is, losing libby was originally about weight loss surgery and how much weight I've weight I lost. In the past few months, more emotionally damning crap has happened to me, my family, my parent(s), my brother, and many people in my ever shrinking circle. I am an addict. I am well educated. I live in the suburbs. I have a child. I have serious mental health issues. I tell you all of the ugly in an attempt to hold myself accountable for the things I have done, the things I have put my family through, and most important...what I have done to myself. If you would have told me five years ago or so that I would be unemployed, filing for disability, and doing medication assisted treatment for addiction...I would have laughed in your face and said you were crazy. The truth is, like many other Americans, I'm not the only one. How d...

Evening kids. I just returned from my bariatric center's seasonal clothing exchange. I must say, now that I am down a size (or two?), I am so happy they do this! Clothes are expensive, and when you can get them for free, well...its grand. I decided to stop at Wegman's to pick up the ingrediants for Pam's amazing protein hot chai mix. Let me tell you...it is delcioius. It is warm, kind of thick like hot chocolate, very little protein taste, and SPICY (how I like it). I highly recommend it to any chai drinkers that are missing the sugary counterpart. If you can believe this, I actually didn't put any of the splenda in it, and I like it. I would imagine this cuts a bit of its intense spicy-ness, but I don't miss the over sweetness of it. My weigh in at 12 weeks post op is down 68lbs. I am quite happy with this number of course, but would like to see the scale move a little more. I am sure that exercising would help this. I need to MAKE time for this import...

Well another beautiful Sunday in Buffalo, NY. Sunday's in the fall mean only two things in Buffalo, Football and Chicken wings (and pizza...so okay three). On Tuesday I will be 11 weeks post-op and I am now dealing with the fear that I am going to screw this tool up royally. I find it so easy to be relaxed with my decisions. I have been notorious for not taking my vitamins as I should, not having enough protein, eating "slider" foods, etc. The trends are there, just as they were before. I didn't have my guts rearranged to lose only 70 lbs, so the buck stops here so to speak. I enjoyed the toppings off of a slice of piece, with a few bites of the crust. I had 2 chicken wings (sans skin), and I feel disgusting. I just ordered some Click (espresso protein powder). I am really excited to try this. I also ordered myself a fancy pill box so that I have no excuse about these damn vitamins. I also splurged and got myself a super cool bento box . I have a lot of ...

I totally won the Max Protein contest held by the magnificent EGGFACE !!! My prize was at my doorstep when I got home today! I was so happy! Behold the magical box o'protein: Dang box was hard to open: It kind of felt like Christmas! Fricken packing peanuts are wicked annoying...but the prize is worth it! Dang that crap went everywhere! Yah protein!!! MMMM Mint Chocolate Chip! Hooray!! Thanks Eggface! Let's taste this bizzzzness: Water...check! Protein...all over my hand. Protein...check! Shake what yo momma gave you! The taste..... Excellent! Seriously...this stuff is good: Let's get a closer look: And it is good! Taste: Amazing! Texture: Not very clumpy/lumpy! Vote: Two thumbs up! What a big ass tub of protein! The end! Thanks Eggface!! Oh and special thanks to darling JMac for taking my picture and laughing at me...he gives the protein two thumbs up too!

So I went back to work yesterday for the first time since my surgery. It was a great day, and it felt really nice to feel welcomed back. Everyone was super excited to see me. The day was pretty normal, couple groups, lots of paperwork. I definitely did not get enough protein in, of course. I had half of a pure protein bar before group, and then had a salad made with a roma tomato and marinated mozzarella, with balsamic vinegar, and a handful of raw trail mix. I drank in between throughout the day, which worked out fine, as I have a key to the kitchen and have access to all the ice I can handle! Yah! I love ice lately. The colder the better. I made a "chicken hash" for dinner. I roasted a poblano pepper, peeled it and diced it. Added a scallion, 2 small red potatoes, some fresh corn from the cob (not much), garlic, cumin, and diced up a trader joe's chicken patty. It was amazing. I then topped it with an egg (ala hash), and a slab of smoked gouda with bacon che...